Who needs soap operas when they have J-Bo's Blog link?

Yep, I've read it all. Juicy stuff. Wish I'd read it earlier so I could know what's going on. I felt pity when I started. But I think I better not make it a daily thing. It doesn't take alot to make someone else's negativity stick on me. I complain too much as it is.

I noticed I was mentioned 3 times.
1) Sept 5 "what i missed so much about Fei was the relationship and not her"
2) Sept 13 "Want to know what one of the things I looked forward to the most about going home for the summer? It wasn’t my car, getting away from Fei..."
3) Nov 11 (His birthday) "...Fei called. I dont know for the life of me how she could have gotten my cell number. I didnt give it to her for a reason. She has her ways. Suprisingly, it wasnt that bad, and it was nice to talk to her."

That was his saving grace right there - but still, great moralizing stuff don't you think? *big fake smile* (like the ones my baby brother Ray - ok, so he's 6 and not a baby anymore - gives to the camera)

I guess blogs are the perfect tools for stalkers. Hehe. As you watch me rub my hands together and scheme. I don't know why J-bo was so surprised that Erika read his blogs. Heck, if I knew about it earlier, I'd have read it too. Of course since at that time I didn't exist in the life of Jared, it would make sense that no one told me.

I'm still thinking if I actually want people to read this. Hmmm. Half of it is addressed to Jared. Since it is customary for me to turn to my previous boyfriend after a breakup often before too (wait a minute - come to think of it, that might even be the cause for the breakups!!!) - and J-bo would know.

Mark *sigh* Precious, darling, sweet, fragile Mark. The one guy besides Ray whom I can't bear to hurt. Yeah, kind of on the undecided side because I will mention J-bo alot and it's not cool. I know that. And I don't want to hurt his feelings. BUT since this thingamablog is meant for ME to Kavetch - I'm going to say what I feel like saying since there's no one else to tell, and let anyone who wants to read it to read at their own risk and not kick myself later for hurting anyone. I need some me time, dingit! Plus I like the idea of talking to whoever I want in one long blog, instead of having to write separate emails to not send to anyone. What a waste of a good sharing session.

I'm still wondering what it would be like to have my parents read this. They're too advanced for my good. What with my dad being self entitled "master of chat" *giggle*. I mean, I think I wouldn't mind them knowing exactly what's going on in my life if I didn't have to be the one to tell them straight out. I like anonnimity and don't really like people to know everything about me. No one likes to be predictable. But my parents are too smart! They have me psychoanalyzed down to a science! (I get my interest in psychology from Dad) the last thing I want them to do is think I'm even MORE unstable than they already think I am. But on the reverse side... if I say something mature.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. I think realizing that I will never do such a thing is the most mature thing I'll ever do.

Don't know if I'll ever give them a link to this place... don't want them to find more reasons to ground me from college even longer. I mean. HELLO. You think I'm only going back to college to be with my boyfriend? Emotionally dependant? WELL WE BROKE UP! I CALLED IT, sorta. HAPPY NOW???!!!

Grrrrrr. Ok. Shake it off. Shake it off. Next thing you know, they'll be on my case for being emotionally dependant on this blog thing. *sigh* And prove their point that I have an addiction to the internet? You just can't win. Back when I was in college and had REAL friends, that was never a problem. Computers are the best replacement for friends and a social life and sleep and food and.... it's either this or sleep my life away.

Ok. Things aren't that bad. I've gotten used to being here already. LOVE having my own room and all that extra privacy. Not anxious to go to church on Sunday and have to explain to everyone why I'm still here though. On the bright side, I was asked if I wanted to go back to the nursery. YESSSS!!!!!! Even though they've released me and called someone else. That's actually the best part though - that I will have my cake and eat it as well! I get to go to nursery AND attend a class. Although, come to think of it, they will need a pianist in the primary since Su is living my Hawaiian life for me. Either way, isn't it GREAT when you're needed so badly and you're so talented, they can put you ANYWHERE? :D Ego boost!!! Yay! What would I do without church. *sigh* Sorry if I love church for the social aspect of it. There's alot more to it -plenty! But if just for keeping me busy, it's a religion worth keeping.

The other great thing about staying home - I get to watch more of the shows on TV I thought I would miss out on. Hehe. How pathetic, I'm glad I'm home so I can watch more TV.

It's been better than I thought it would be though. It really has. There are alot of good things about not being in school now as much as I hate to admit it. I'd still rather be in school. I think I will feel that way for the rest of my life. I've had such great times there. Even though J-bo, your emotional dump was just as bad as mine, I don't look back with regret. I really wonder why J-Bo doesn't see it that way most days, and that Mark is happier at home than in Hawaii. It's kind of a lonely feeling, when you look back on something you have in common and see it a totally different way.

I guess that's why it sucks to talk to Jared sometimes because I think of Winter as the best semester ever - as bad as Spring was, it doens't change how I look back on it. And on the other hand he looks at me like a plague on his life or something. Not cool.

*sigh* Just admit it Fei, you miss Mark. Alot. You wouldn't have been crying from the time you started this till now if you didn't. (I'm SUCH a cry baby!!!) I guess you really learn to need someone after having them in your life for a good while. Ah well, I'll live. For now, it'll be sound cheery and bubbly and pretend you're ok so you don't be needy and chase him the other way like you did with your LAST ex! Sucks not to have the right to need someone's attention anymore.

I guess that's what you're here for, blogger 'ole pal. Where have you been all my life?