Figuring out the mystery behind me.

You know, it’s not that I’m upset with Mark – the poor dear hasn’t done anything wrong. Or even my parents or Su. I’m really just upset with myself. For feeling the way I do and reacting to this in such a negative way. I know I love self-pity. It’s not the kind of person I want to be. It’s such a struggle though. And it really doesn’t make it any easier to always have this inner battle to fight and constantly having these conflicting feelings.

I’m trying. I have great things going for me and when I have a great day, I’m not just pretending to be happy. But so often I I’m just trying to figure out how much I’m allowed to cry. At what point is it too much? I guess I’d love some reassurance. And I’d like to be told that it’s ok. But different people will tell you different things.

Some people would like to convince me there’s nothing to cry over. Others would love to say “just get a grip”. Or perhaps that I can fake it till I make it. Whatever. I’m just going to talk about it here. I’ll be ok in a minute.

Thanks for listening. I guess I really need to stop worrying about what other people think, huh?