And they called it “puppy love”….

More of my “love life”

Naomi Cragun had hand picked Ray as a friend. She reminds me of myself. When I was her age (she’s 4), and even now, I’ve always had mostly guy friends. I preferred them to the girls. She was wearing a baby blankie on her head, you know the ones with the hoods. “Ray and I are getting married!” “Come Ray, marry me!”

Hehe. I had a childhood boyfriend. Brian. (Till now, I just absolutely LOVE the name – did you get my blog comment retort on my future child’s name, Faith?) I was “in love” with him from even before I can remember. I doubt he remembers any of it now. After church every Sunday, we would play “family” with the whole group of kid friends. I was the ringleader. In many ways, I still am today. I got to be Mommy and Brian was the husband and we had like 7 kids. We’d pick leaves off the shrubs and pretend to cook them… I don’t know… kid make belief stuff.

It could be my imagination, but I remember Brian kissing me on the cheek a couple of times. I think a couple of other times I imagined it up and told my sister it happened so in my mind now, it did, but I’m not really sure anymore. loL!
I think I had a total of 4 boyfriends at the time (glad to know I’m still the same old me, huh?). 3 from kindergarten, I think. One even gave me a plastic flower ring. I loved rings till I was 17 (I’ve calmed down about cosmetic jewelry since) so that just won my heart.

Anyway, I still liked Brian more than any of the guys. I was crazy about him! His birthday is a day before mine, June 13th, and he’s my age. I thought that was a sign that we were MEANT for each other! He would go to Auntie Susie’s place a lot after church which was only 5 minutes away from my house and I would beg and beg my parents to stop by there so I could see him. That and Auntie Susie had a cool Smurf mushroom dollhouse toy. (This is the same Susie as Sister How who became my Young Woman president years later and sat me down to talk to me about calling my sister over me)

I think Brian liked me back too. I’m not sure for how much longer or if her remembers any of it now. He lived really far away that whole time so when the church grew big enough, our branches split and we didn’t meet together anymore. I was 6 then. We grew apart and saw less and less of each other. I still liked him, even till I was MUCH older, as much as I saw very little of him – we’d see each other maybe 4 times a year. I moved on to someone else finally when I was 13 but even after that, I still kept wondering if things could work out again. (He is cuter than the average boy) He never found out though.

I hope that he doesn’t remember this, but we made a “promise” to each other that we would get married in the Salt Lake Temple when we turned 20. My mom got married at 20 so I figured that it was the ideal age. It didn’t cross my mind then that he would have to serve a mission from 19-21. lol!

Anyway, I don’t like him that way anymore. At some point, I gave up and realized that he’s a great guy – I’ll always think of him one of my best friends even though we really aren’t that close – but he’s not someone I want to marry anyway. Too shy, too different.
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Editors note: These next 18 chapters or so was what I got sidetracked on. *guilty look* I didn’t mean to talk about my ENTIRE teenage love life, but I started and couldn’t stop (like everything else). I mention a lot of names and might confuse you. Unless you really have interest to know every itty-bitty detail about me (or if you KNOW these people I’ve mentioned) you will find this a very long-winded blog. Skip to the 5 last paragraphs (don’t worry, they’re short) to see what I really meant to write about. I’ve marked them for you.

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And anyway, I met Dominic when I was 13 and shifted my focus mostly to him. Something I could work on. Brian and I hardly talked anyway. It was too awkward. At least I got to talk to Dominic through e-mail and ICQ and the phone and we actually became friends unlike Brian and I who weren’t even talking. I became his pet sister even. Sort of like a god sister type deal. Not exactly sure what that means till this day. I only really got to talk to Brian once a year at Youth Camp. Hehe. I always looked forward to those so I could see Dominic, Brian and all the other cute guys again. (So, I’ve ALWAYS been guy crazy, it’s no secret!)

I eventually told Dominic I liked him when I was 14/15, I don’t remember. He’s 3 years older than I am (hey, Mark’s age!). When he found out, he freaked and told me that he would have to call me back. I learned later that he had called Melanie (she used to be my best friend from the time I was 7 – she’s 3 years older than me too – till she turned 12 and matured on me) Melanie eventually became my first roommate at BYU-Hawaii. I love her to pieces. I actually got to know Dominic through Melanie and the whole time was entirely jealous of her for being so close to him.
Anyway, he did call me back after. And we talked like nothing had happened. It was a relief. I’m lucky I didn’t lose a friend because of that, but I had yet another guy whom I liked that didn’t like me back. Or so I thought.

A couple of years later, he left on his mission. Gone for 2 years. I eventually got too lazy to write after writing a couple of letters and not sending them (I need to write Elisha! Aaaaah!) and as much as I didn’t forget about him, I certainly got over him. Out of sight, out of mind.

In between this time, I had liked a friend whom I knew through Brian (Brian and I had started emailing and stuff, but we still didn’t talk much). He liked me back!!! For the first time in YEARS, a guy had liked me back!!! But this was before I turned 16. And I was determined not to start dating before then, so I told him to wait a like 3 months? We talked every night on the phone for an hour. We always ran out of things to talk about and seriously did resort to talking about the weather. loL! We were SO incompatible!

When I finally turned 16, I still sorta liked him, but wasn’t as crazy over him anymore (I have a short attention span with guys! I’m not kidding!) A couple of months later, he approached me. He didn’t exactly come out and ask about it… he asked me, “So, who do you like now.” I said, shyly, “Someone…” I meant him but he took it as that I have moved on to some other guy. A miscommunication, but one I didn’t really bother to correct. I’m glad I didn’t. It must have hurt him, but I’m not sure, I never asked. I didn’t even think about that then. Not much could’ve come out of it. He wasn’t a member anyway, and English wasn’t his first language. I can’t do that anymore. You HAVE to be at par with me intellectually in my language.

Not long after that, he started dating a girl from my school, one he met through me, lol! At that time, our social life was an online community, we’d get online to chat all the time, and planned to meet to “hang out” only every school holiday which was at most 3-4 times a year. She was one of the girls I pulled into the group. Like I said, Ringleader. (I met Chip through all the online community stuff, talked to him on the phone… chatted and then finally met him – Brian, our mutual friend was there, don’t worry – thought he was cute and started liking him)

Anyway, Chip dated my friend for a long time. They broke up only after I left for Hawaii.

Right after Chip, I met Matthew online. Got myself banned from the Internet eventually and stopped having a social life (even if on the internet) with those REAL friends much anymore. Matthew was the man in my life till just last year. The first time I ever really fell in love. I had never let myself do that before. It’s a good thing I never took my crushes seriously. The first time I did, I ended up messing up my life.

Just before leaving for Hawaii, Dominic returned from his mission. And tried to marry every girl in sight, including me, 3 days after coming home from his mission. EEK! He reminded me of our phone conversation years ago (he remembered?) how he didn’t pursue anything before because he was preparing to leave on a mission and that would’ve complicated stuff. But now, he was BACK… *hint*hint*

I wasn’t sure I liked him anymore, but started turning to him, and talking to him. He had changed a lot. He was so spiritual… when I used to be the one giving him advice before. I told him about Matt. I was so in love with Matt at that time. He tried to talk me out of it too.

I actually took his advice. The next day, I broke up with Matt. The 5th time? I cried so hard and called Dominic immediately. It was great to have emotional back up. Elisha noticed that I had taken Matt’s picture down from my desktop background at work and asked. When I told him he said “Awww, I could HUG you!” He didn’t. I didn’t hug guys till college. Hehe. He did hug me just before I left and it was a big deal.

Anyway, that was the shortest breakup ever. I ran back to him after like 3 days? Maybe less. That relationship was one heck of a roller coaster ride.

I liked Dominic, and was glad to have him as a friend, but I was in love with Matt. I had already planned on marrying him. And anyway, Dominic and I were like two bratty brothers and sisters and would tease each other a lot. Sort of a love/hate relationship for me. I had stopped liking him for a long time, and the “get married within 6 months of returning from your mission” thing freaks me out!

He moved on and started dating Lyanne. I didn’t meet her till Single Adult Convention in August last year, after returning home from BYUH. She was my roommate there for a night. I just think she is the bomb now.

Dominic joined me in Hawaii along with Brian a semester later. Lyanne had broken up with him. I saw them both, sought them out, talk to them. But by then, I had my own social group made of mostly Americans with the exception of me (who considers myself American), and Akie, an exceptionally loud Japanese girl who spoke English but with the REALLY thick accent. We loved but she did get on our nerves some, bless her heart.

I didn’t make too much of an effort to see them often (but I didn’t avoid them – I still talked to them and spent time with them when I ran into them) They found a couple of good Korean friends (it was so funny to watch them speak in different broken English to each other). Dominic hung out with the Philippinos and Brian… I don’t know, he stayed in his room a lot, I think. He could only take so much of Dominic’s complaining about not having a girlfriend. LoL! I feel somewhat guilty for not spending more time with the Malaysians. But oh well. Su spends time with them now and Dominic took good care of her when she went there.

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Continue reading here

Now, Dominic has a cute Vietnamese girlfriend. Good for him! And Brian has a lung infection. Hmmm.

I’d rather be in Hawaii with a lung infection than here.

And strangely, as much as I really don’t care to pursue my past relationships anymore, it still is sad to think that I turn 20 in a few months and am no longer “engaged” to Brian like I spent most of my childhood life dreaming about. And he still hasn’t gone on his mission yet.

I have now had 4 official boyfriends. 3 serious relationships. 12 (?) breakups and I am single, with no prospect of dating anytime soon.

So much for childhood dreams.