I’m missing Mark more than usual tonight.

We haven’t talked much lately. He doesn’t come online just to look for me anymore – which is a good thing, since the less time we spend talking, the sooner we will be over this.

I’m getting used to it. It’s kind of sad to think that I am. Ever since I’ve publicized my blogger, we haven’t really talked. Not that we have been talking much. But before, this page was just between him and me. And then Jared started reading it, and a couple of other people, but it was my way of communicating with Mark. To tell him how I felt and let him know how I was dealing with the breakup without having to come out and just tell him.

I guess in some ways this still is. I miss having someone to lean on, someone to depend on who I can trust to protect me; someone to worry for me who I can worry for. I want someone I can need who will need me back and needing him would be a good thing. Not something I have to stop myself from doing.

I want to be in love – and I want it to be right.