Needy-ness.

I hate how I have such a difficult time saying goodnight.

There's something about parting - even if just for a few hours - that really gets to me. It probably reminds me of how we had to part before. I don't know. I get these knots in my stomach and I cry while walking away from his car. I feel like an idiot. I wish relationships didn't bring out the clinginess in me.

What really sucks is when I want to stay longer and he's being responsible and sending me home so he can get his homework done. It makes me the bad guy for wanting him to stay longer. I feel so perfectly content being with him. I wish that he could feel that way too. I wish that just being with me would be sufficient: that he wouldn't have to do anything else as long as he had me. No need for school, no need to sleep in a bed, no need for food. Just me.

That's how I feel when I am around him. That's how I want him to feel when he's around me. I wish that my presence would make him forget about everything else.

But there is such thing as reality and that attitude gets me into trouble. For now, he has to study and I need to sleep. My first test is tomorrow and I plan to do well in it. The first step, is to wake up in time to take it.

The knot in my stomach is now a lump in my throat. Maybe I'll be able to cry it out while trying to sleep tonight.