Happiness needs company too.

After a short walk in the rain (with my umbrella), and some time to figure out what exactly I am feeling, I have come to this conclusion:

It's not that I want attention. I did get plenty tonight. It's that performing is a huge thing to me, and I don't have someone to share that excitement with. Happiness needs company too.

Really, all I am is just lonely.

Have you ever watched a really good movie by yourself? Whenever they say something funny, you laugh and look around to see if everyone else is enjoying it with you, only to find that none of the people that matter are there. Then you walk out of the theatre wanting to talk about how great the show was but you don't have anyone to share it with.

I think that's what I'm feeling right now.

When I was dating Mark, he was my biggest fan. He was there supporting me through the play I was in, the movie, and choir performances - even stupid little things like tests, or high scores in a computer game... what was important to me was automatically important to him.

THAT'S what I miss. Sharing the lows and the highs.

It's all part of being single.

I can now appreciate how Mark felt when he finally got his router up and running in his new apartment and he called one of our old friends here to celebrate because he just had to share his excitement with someone - and I wasn't there to do it.

I have a sister and she was there today. She worries for me when I'm down and she is happy for me when I'm happy. And vice versa. I'll cling to her for now. Once again, I have my family for a fan club.

At some point I'll get used to crying and rejoicing in silence. Once I learn how to do that, I will be ready to find that someone I can share everything with.