A lonely night.

There’s a reason why tonight is harder than others. Su called tonight. We hadn’t heard from her in longer than usual. It turns out, she now has a boyfriend! A Hawaiian Asian guy. And she’s just really excited. It feels right she says. Good for her.

I’m really excited that she’s finally found someone she could hit it off with – met in the Swing club (not THAT kind of swing, sicko, the DANCE!) I mean, he can dance! Hello – how did I miss out on that? He’s in the concert choir too – what the heck? I mean, I’ve had amazing boyfriends and have no reason to complain, but man she got lucky. Because we love to sing and dance, our ideal “dream guy” would be musically talented as well.

After a couple of boyfriends, I gave up on that. Those talents are bonuses. I would never date if that was a requirement. Mark has an amazing singing voice – definitely a plus. Mmm. A pity we’re not dating anymore, huh?

Oh, here’s the clincher – her guy’s roommate is Chad. Chad! The hottie who was SO amazing on the piano (I play the piano, and a guy who can do it as well or better, that’s like to die for) And they hang out all the time. Wow. My sister shot straight into like upper level company.

And she went SURFING! Aaaah!

Ok. I’m jealous. I’m extremely jealous. It isn’t the bitter kind though. I’m excited for her, it’s fun to hear that BYUH is still the school I remember.

Her having friends I’ve always wanted, that’s like a small thing. I had my own great times in Hawaii and the best friends any girl could ask for.

You all know what the hard part is. My sister is dating, I’m dealing with a breakup. She feels good about the relationship she’s in, I screwed up the little good there ever was in mine.

I’m so glad that she at least understands what it’s been like for me now that she’s in a relationship. Staying up late, being so close to someone, being dependant. What is going to be tough for me to watch is her making all the right decisions. Both her and her boyfriend have high standards “so we don’t like make out or anything”.

I was really hoping for her to date someone who would screw her up just a little. So I don’t feel like a total schmuck. I had the excuse of her not knowing what it was like before – not anymore.

Su’s all set on serving a mission. She is about 150% positive that she HAS to go. Growing up, I was the one who was sure that I would put off marriage to be a missionary for a year and a half.

Then something changed, and I’m not sure a mission is meant for me – as much as I would LOVE to go but my sister who never even gave it too much thought before is certain that it is what she needs to do.

Now she has a boyfriend and they are talking about the future. I am single, and hating it.

There's a sort of sad feeling though. Like I'm losing my sister. I guess I can appreciate how mom and her had felt about me and my many relationships. I know I'm not losing her, but she will be changed. I hope all this will work out in the end.

Whatever it is that’s bothering me or why, I just feel like crying tonight. Valentine’s day is coming up soon. Everyone’s talking about love. This year, it’s just going to be very, very lonely for me.

How sad is it that I find comfort in knowing that I’m not going to be the only one?