Terrified.

I am so terribly afraid of what Mark will think of me in the future, after we've truly broken it off and I have forced myself to move on and perhaps have even started to date someone else (let's just PRETEND I will).

As much as he shows no capability of ever hurting me now, one day, he will turn around and say that I was using him and that I never did really love him. That I am responsible for his misery.

I used to be afraid of what my ex-boyfriends' future girlfriends (and perhaps, spouses) would think of me. It still bothers me because I know that they will hate me since I'm just such a low, evil, skanky itch (think whatever you want but past experience has made me positive that's what my ex-boyfriends eventually believe that I am although they haven't quite phrased it that way) and blame me for all the hurt and insecurity. However, that really is so trivial in comparison to my fear of being known as pure evil by my ex-boyfriend himself.

I hope that by then, I will truly have moved on so it would not be able to hurt me. I couldn't bear for Mark to think of me that way too. It's so reassuring now to know that there is someone whom I can lean on and thinks the world of me no matter my mistakes.

Maybe that's why I drag out relationships alot longer than I should.

When will I ever learn to stop caring?