Separate Lives.

I apologize for not having posted any substantial blogs lately (that is, assuming that I have done so before in the past).

I'm still dealing with not being able to talk to Mark. I've called Mark once since, woke him up on his Sunday morning, but it was brief and not much was said at all. I want to call him again, but then this whole "breaking off" thing would be pointless. Plus, I'm not sure I can go through the whole ordeal of having to say goodbye and hang up without knowing when I'd be able to talk to him next again. I'm not sure if he still stops by to read my blogs. Probably. I can't tell. My blog feels like a lonelier place without getting feedback from him. Right now, I really wish HE had a blog so I could read what he is going through.

I think the reason why I haven't posted anything touchy-feely like this lately is because I don't want to be opening up to him without getting anything back. And I know how someone else's pain can stop you from getting over a relationship. I would like to be the strong one and show him that I've moved on so he can. But I haven't. You know how people pretend to be ok around each other, long after the relationship has ended so they don't complicate things? That's what I'm trying to do.

Yet, I don't want him to think that he was super easy to get over (because he isn't) or that I have found a way to replace him already (because I haven't and won't for a while).

It just feels so weird not talking to him about things anymore. I really want to know how he is doing, but instead of asking him, I ask other people around him. In the meantime, he and I are assuming all sorts of things about each other which are probably not true.

Anyway, I have this song on my mind. And after weeks of trying to stream music from my site, I made a breakthrough today and have been fixing the bugs ever since. I didn't know the player required a certain sample rate for the MP3 file, and when I didn't get it right, I ended up making them sound like Smurfs or Chipmunks - or Stitch. It was pretty funny. I apologize if the sound is just really, really bad, I had to compromise on the quality so I could play this.

Lets hope this works.



Separate Lives
Phil Collins & Marilyn Martin, 1985

You called me from the room in your hotel
All full of romance for someone that you met
And telling me how sorry you were, leaving so soon
And that you miss me sometimes when you're alone in your room
Do I feel lonely too?
You have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
We can't go on just holding on to time
Now that we're living
separate lives

Well I held on to let you go
And if you lost your love for me, well you never let it show
There was no way to compromise
So now we're living (living)
Separate lives

Ooh, it's so typical, love leads to isolation
So you build that wall (build that wall)
Yes, you build that wall (build that wall)
And you make it stronger

Well you have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
Some day I might (I might) find myself looking in your eyes
But for now, we'll go on living separate lives
Yes for now, we'll go on living separate lives
Separate lives
_______

I love sad songs, they make me cry.