Masochism

I've been reading the blogs I posted not too long ago, when I first found out about the possibility of Mark leaving.

I lived through that?

The crazy things we put ourselves through.

I've been trying to move on. Mark has been trying too. Every once in a while, we long for something more. But it's left unspoken. It's hard trying to readjust to being just friends. I don't even know why we still try to talk to each other. It's always so disappointing. So empty. It's like the conversation that wasn't. We're both just waiting for the other to break down.

Life goes on. We don't have much a choice.

I remember now how quickly the kittens came into my life after Mark left. Oh how I loved them. It was a wonderful diversion. For a brief moment, I was able to transfer my affection to something closer to me.

On a much happier note, since I don't have kittens anymore, I have a new pet. It's called obsessing over a hot guy. I sat in a place where I could stare at him at dinner. But oh, no, it gets better! After going to a ward activity, I went to Latino club. I was a member for a semester 2 years ago - that was where I first learned to dance. I think I knew that Joel would be there so I was excited about that. Well. I would have been either way.

Well, he was. And thanks to my WONDERFUL shirt (it says "ASK ME OUT" on it), I got asked out!!! Uhuh. It was worth the money I paid for it, I tell ya! We haven't set a date or anything, but I invited him to take a tour of the PCC with me. He now has my number and because he approached me instead of vice versa, the ice is broken and I now have an excuse to talk to him. Yay! That is if I can beat off all the other girls with a stick first. Muahahaha.

I got to dance with him briefly. He's pretty good. I'm glad I got to flirt with him some. At least I know that he isn't avoiding me and that I haven't scared him away yet. Now I have a chance to get to know him since I have no personality attatched to his hot bod yet. I feel so stupid for doing this to myself. Every other girl likes him too and he lets them. I'd like the ego boost of having him pick me over them, but I really don't need it.

I'm almost hoping that he turns out to be a jerk so I can rid myself of this obsession. I really don't want to have to compete for a guy. I don't have to sell myself to get noticed. If he can't pick me out, then he's not worth it. Grrrr. But I like him anyway...... *pout*

Oh. I'm going to stop pulling this apart. I'm just going to let myself get excited over this for now. I walked home singing "I could have danced all night" from My Fair Lady.

I could blog all night too. But I better not. My bed is calling. Who knows? Maybe I'll get some hot Joel action in my sleep. Oooh...