You've got me all tied up in knots and I'm loving you lots and lots.

I taught Shuan how to tie the tie I bought him for Christmas. Little ole me who's never had the need to tie a tie before! Incidentaly, don't you think that ties make a perfect guy lasso thingy? I think it's neat!

I was so bored yesterday. I would walk in and out of my room, turn on the computer, do something, get bored, turn it off, go lay down, come back out to the computer, rinse, repeat. I was so bored I even called Chris Dean to ask him what time Mark would get to Hawaii. We talked for a while. Sounds like a cool guy. Since his girlfriend is now with him, all the way from France, he said that Hawaii is a beautiful place when you're there with a girl. Yeah. Sounds about right.

Dad talked to me a couple of times yesterday. *sigh* He's trying really hard to develop a relationship with me. And I'm resisting. I just don't like it when people have to try and make it so obvious. Eventually I'll come to. He shoved me another book to read. "Advanced Psycho Cybernetics and Psychofeedback" (written in 1985!!!) PHEW! What a mouthful! He knows I'm into psychology and that I love to read and write and he's using that approach to connect with me. If only he knew, he's making me think of switching majors. Something COMPLETELY different - something he has no clue about. But yeah, trust him to learn all about it so he can talk to me in my own language.

You know, I complain alot about my parents. I don't mean to make them sound HORRIBLE. Really, I'm the bad guy in the situation. The rebellious, defiant teen. I guess most people go through that phase in life. Only mine started a little later - while most of my friends are already married and in college, I'm still home, apparently, I'm not going anywhere until this gets resolved. All part of a bigger plan, I guess. I'll come to. It's painful to put your pride aside. Not many people like the idea of being helped to becoming better. We all like to do things OUR way. I especially hate asking for help because I really think I can handle everything on my own. I know that's mostly not true, and I have learned half the things I know the hard way. The lesson sticks, but it may take too long.

I love my parents. I really do. They try so hard. I've gotta give them credit for how much they worry and how much they care. They're really cool about letting us kids make our own decisions - they just want to know we're capable of making the right ones before they let us go completely. Mom says that she set a broken kite to flight unless there's really nothing left she can do to fix it. And I appreciate that.

I spent a couple of hours learning MORE ASL last night. I've always wanted to be a signing missionary. And now my new goal is to be an ASL tour guide at the PCC. I think that would just be SO neat! I just went out shopping and bought another CD to learn from. I'm SO pumped! lol! Crazy huh? My parents are glad that I've found something I'm motivated enough to work on so hard. Surprise, surprise, there are alot of things.

I guess in some ways, I feel like my brain isn't being used much at all since I've been home. Lack of school does that to you. If I can show my parents that I am capable of making challenges for myself and achieve my goals, they will have alot more confidence in me.

I just need to learn to want what my parents want for me. So that by doing something for ME, I will be making them proud at the same time. I guess we need to do that with Heavenly Father too. Aligning our will to his. Not an easy task.

I went shopping in the mall earlier, and have been looking for a nice comfortable pair of footwear to walk around in. Something like flip-flops or sandals - without a back, so it's easy to slip on, and evelated at least by 1.5 inches so I can be TALLER! They are SO hard to find. I LOVE shoes. And we get really fancy ones here for pretty good prices. But people here really don't believe in comfort or something. They all hurt your feet. Crazy to think I used to walk around in shoes like that too. Yeah so THAT'S why I'm pidgeon toed.

I found the CUTEST pair - they were PERFECT. But the largest size they had were for 7 year olds. Oh great! Now I know I'm no cinderella. They make such CUTE children's shoes! Why don't they make them for us?! The other pair I liked was a simple flip flop, but designed to be VERY comfortable. Only problem, it costs a whole RM98!!! YOU KIDDING ME? I can buy 5 and a HALF pairs of shoes with that! Ah well.

I'm actually very proud of myself for not spending much. I only bought the CD and an umbrella. Both of which were planned purchases. The umbrella (nice and purple!) was only RM6! That's like US$1.60!!! You can't even buy a TOY umbrella with that! Pretty good, huh? :D Yeah, I'm pretty dang pleased with myself.

On a more serious note, I stumbled across someone else's blog today. It really caught my attention. I want you to read it too. It's called "My Suicide Diary". Written by this girl who calls herself "Amy Williams". It's so well written. *sigh* I really hope it's just fictional cow dung (my way of saying BS)because... well, you read it. I think she has quite alot of people panicking for her sake. All in all, it's really good reading. If all you can do is sit back and enjoy the story. It's a must read. Take my word on this one.

I'm at work right now, so I shouldn't be blogging. I better go. Mark just arrived in Hawaii. And I'm not there to meet him.