The last hours.

I feel like a widow. Everyone's trying to comfort me; I feel like wearing dark colors after tomorrow with a big hat that has a lace veil in the front to hide my face from the world.

It just isn't right to build so much of my happiness around something/someone so temporary.

Su held me today just before she said goodbye to Mark by the picnic benches we always play card games at. I started to tear up. All I could think of was how the next time she did that, I would be wishing that it was Mark holding me instead. I'd done it many a time before.

Mark told me about how he cried when I left for home, right after sending me off at the airport. Of course, he always cries when I can't hold him anymore. It hasn't hit him yet, he says. It hits me numerous times everyday.

I don't want to sleep tonight. I want to be awake for the last hours that he is here knowing that if I really needed to I could wake him up just for a hug. After tonight, I will crave sleep so I can be with him in my dreams.