Ressurrection of a dead blog: useless post #316.

Ok. Hypothetical question: if you could have any guy/girl in the world, who would you choose?

Not to flatter myself into thinking that I can (because as attractive as I think I am, there are many that I just couldn’t get to like me), but it’s kind of interesting to think about.

I’m really glad that it doesn’t happen in real life. I’m afraid of what I’d choose. Would I choose the absolutely gorgeous man with no brains or a personality to match? The shy anti-social guy who hides in the corner but is really, really smart? The comedian who is always joking and goofing off in the social group? How about the absolutely spiritual, fresh-of-the-mission-for-life type guys? Or maybe the balding, mature ones who are a little bit of everything except for the gorgeous part.

I’m not exactly sure what I want in my guy right now. Which is a good reason to be single still. Well, I do have an idea of what I want, I’m just afraid that he might not exist. Why can’t you have a hot guy that doesn’t talk with the surfer/jock slur?

I “ran into” Joel today and got to hang out with him some. We walked around aimlessly around campus for a while and just talked. It had the potential to be awkward but it wasn’t really. We got to know each other better, flirted a ton, and I taught him how to weave fish before walking him home (yeah, I know, weird. But I just wanted to stay with him for as long as he was up to it).

He is definitely cute. We get along fine. He thinks I’m funny – complimented my sense of humor at least 4 times. Which to me is the hugest compliment someone could pay me. Humor is something I am determined to master. He’s easy to joke around with which works to my advantage.

Basically, on my part, my mission has been accomplished: to have a good personality attached to my face. I just want to separate myself from all the other girls that swarm around him (and you’ve seen his picture, there are many!) so that he has a chance to decide if he likes me or not and maybe take the initiative and the pro-active role. So that instead of me sitting where I can stare at him in the caf that he will sit by me.

The way I perceive things are right now, it looks like it just might happen. That’s exciting, of course, but I am rather wary. The reason why I picked Joel out is simply because he looks good. Dang good, that’s what. You would too. My excuse for going all out for him was that nothing was going to happen out of it anyway so I could have a simple, safe, empty obsession.

It’s not that I’m afraid of relationships. I really am not – quite the opposite really. The fact that I’m not ready for one crosses the possibility out anyway, but for some reason I’m having doubts. Already. I know.

I usually don’t bother looking at the eye-candy guys because they almost always prove to be shallow. They also mostly surround themselves with bottle-blonde cloned girls (often from Utah or California) who wear bikinis despite the fact that they signed an honor code, and have a compatible IQ.

For some reason, guys who are attracted to girls like that (oh, I’m sure they have sweet spirits) are crossed off my list almost immediately.

What does this have to do with my current situation?

I don’t know. I don’t approve of relationships that are based on physical attraction and I think I might be behaving hypocritically here. To be fair, I still haven’t really gotten to know Joel well at all. He’s really good at acting. I think that’s attractive. But what if that’s it? I’ve spent so much time obsessing that it’s kind of hard to undo.

I think I just might be using him to prove something to myself here: that I can have a hot guy if I wanted. That he could be attracted to me over the beautiful blonde girls who always have makeup on.

I hope that’s not true. But if it is, then I’ll have to let this one go. *sigh* I baffle myself. There are at least 3 other REALLY good-looking guys that I can think of. Why don’t I obsess over them instead? Because I was in a position to get to know them and I decided “Naaaah…” before I started pulling out my stalker moves?

So maybe I just want what I can’t have?

I’m just not used to this physical attraction before personality thing. I admit that I picked Mark out because I thought he was cute and he was sitting by himself, but as soon as I got to know him, his personality melded in with his gorgeous face. I’d say Mark was the most good-looking boyfriend I’ve ever had. You may not think so, but I do. It was hard to get over for me. I’d just want to stare at him because I thought he looked so good. I even felt guilty for that. Mark has a different quality of good looks compared to Joel though. So it didn’t surprise me what a wonderful person Mark turned out to be.

Joel is hot. And he knows it. At least he tries to be. He dresses well and gels his hair up oh so nicely. You know da kine. Mark has a beautiful face. Soft and exquisite. Perfect. But he doesn’t flaunt it at all. He almost always wore a T-shirt, shorts and sandals.

Everyone will probably agree that Joel is good looking, but not everyone agrees that Mark is – although plenty do. The difference could be the way in which they carry themselves.

Bah. Enough over-analyzing everything. I’m doing this all based on a first impression. I could be wrong. Maybe Joel doesn’t ALWAYS walk like a surfer guy… lol. Yeah. Right. Maybe when he’s on stage.

Still, first impressions aren’t always accurate. When I first got to know Jared, I was impressed – I could sense intelligence (I find it very attractive probably because I think I am), but his funny jokey-ness made me wonder if he wasn’t shallow. I’m glad I stuck around to know him better because he has plenty depth. Not everyone gets to see past the outer layer, but he is my best friend. So that worked out well.

I’m hoping that maybe this will too. I’m afraid to have to cross him off my list because I’ll lose something I’ve been obsessing about in place of Mark. It’s kept me busy and happy and excited. I don’t get twitterpated that often. It either ends up in a relationship (I’ve only had 4) or it ends by the next day or two.

Ok. Now I’m just stretching this blog out unnecessarily. I’m going to hit the sack. I have a long day of activities tomorrow. Unfortunately, none of them include Joel. *sighhhh* Oh well. You needed a break from him anyway. ;)