It's called "I just discovered Lifehouse"

On Saturday, after having Richie decline my company and a hug from me, I went home and wrote my one liner post. I was organizing all the new music I had downloaded when I was invited to go to the beach with Mama Jolley and our friends. I really wasn't up to being social but the beach sounded like a nice place to cry at. I hung around my room for a minute transfering my music onto my MP3 player so I could bring it with me.

So yeah. We went to the beach even though it was sort of raining. Reed, Carrera, Mama Jolley, Emarie, David and I. I had my headphones (ok, so they're Richies. Mine broke and he lent them to me)plugged into my ears for most of the time. We huddled together on the beach for warmth and comfort. *sigh* Just like old times. Reed, Emily and Carrera were goofing off, Emarie called home and David and I sat arm in arm listening to our music. It was nice.

I managed to cry. And gathered material for the song we - we who? - are writing about the ocean. When my batteries ran out nearly 2 hours later was when I finally left for home.

Lifehouse is about the only band I've been listening to this whole weekend. I have all their songs from both their albums now and as I read through the lyrics, there I find there are few songs I can't relate to.

SPIN

I'd rather chase your shadow all my life
than be afraid of my own
I'd rather be with you
I'd rather not know
where I'll be than
be alone and convinced that I know

and the world keeps spinning round
my world's upside down
and I wouldn't change a thing
I've got nothing else to lose
I lost it all when I found you
and I wouldn't change a thing
no, you and I wouldn't change a thing

everything I know has let me down
so I will just let go
let you turn me inside out
cause I know I'm not sure
about anything
but you wouldn't have it any other way

spinning turning watching burning
all my life has found its meaning
walking crawling climbing falling
all my life has found its meaning

you and I wouldn't change a thing
no, you and I wouldn't change a thing

and the world keeps spinning round
my world's upside down
and I wouldn't change a thing
I've got nothing else to lose
I lost it all when I found you
and I wouldn't change a thing
no, you and I wouldn't change a thing
no, you and I wouldn't change a thing

WASH

never meant to waste your time
never meant to fall out of line
I always tried to get closer to you
now it seems with every step
feels like I'm losin' my breath
I don't know what else I can do

but you wash over me
you wash over me like rain
and you wash over me
you wash over me like sunshine

I never had to choose
living a life with you
or choosing lies only half true
now I'd rather be
alone with you and me
than hiding behind these walls

everything in the world was falling through
all I knew was to look to you
my sunshine
all my life never found my place
until I felt the sunlight on my face
my sunshine

never meant to waste your time
never meant to fall out of line
I always tried to get closer to you
now it seems with every step
feels like I'm losing my breath
I don't know what else I can do

but you wash over me
you wash over me like rain
and you wash over me
you wash over me like sunshine
like sunshine


AM I EVER GONNA FIND OUT

silence is golden
but I think it's gonna kill me now
everything I've seen
never seems to filll me now
no one told me that the world could fall through yeah

in between this
am I gonna find a way
to defeat this
living inside yesterday
I'm alive but I think it's time to live
like I am
am I ever gonna find it
am I ever gonna find it
am I ever gonna find out

patience can wait for now
I think I've waited for too long
you always gave a choice
and the right to be wrong
all my life has been slipping through your hands yeah

I think it's time to live
like I am
am I ever gonna find it
am I ever gonna find it
am I ever gonna find out


OUT OF BREATH

I still feel the same
though everything has changed
the pain it cost now
I feel lost inside of my own name

but I keep running
I am running
I keep living for the day that I'm with you
that I'm with you

the past has left its stain
now I feel the shame
I'll seize the day
if you take away
the chains of yesterday

a new day
the sun is shining
seems I'm closer to finding
that life is more than what we hide
no way that I am turning
as long as this sun is burning
now it seems that all I want is you

I still feel the same
though everything has changed
the pain it cost now
I feel lost inside of my own name

but I keep running
I am running
I keep living for the day that I'm with you
an I am waiting
I am waiting
I keep waiting for the day that I'm with you
that I'm with you


TAKE ME AWAY

this time what I want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
this time you burn me with your eyes
you see past all the lies
you take it all away
I've seen it all
and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

I try to make my way to you
but still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do
I've seen it all
and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

don't give up on me yet
don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
but don't let
me stay here alone

this time what I want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
I've seen enough and it's never enough
it keeps leaving me needing you

take me away
take me away
I've got nothing left to say
just take me away


MY PRECIOUS

can't hold you down
can't hurry you up
there's nothing I can do
a slave to your hands

climb up above
your precious time
don't worry your time
don't hurry your mind

where did you go
where did you hide
all I can do
is watch you pass by

every time I try to take it back
I know I don't want to live like that
I'll wait for tomorrow
too tired to go the other way
too late to wait another day
I'm going on

climb up above
your precious time
don't worry your time
don't hurry your mind

climb up above
your precious time
don't worry your time
don't hurry your mind


EMPTY SPACE

too late to hide
and too tired to care
take what you've learned
and forget the rest
take what you see
of what's left of me
you know where I've been
and I don't want to go there again

I've been down
this road before
all that I've found
points me right back to you
and I've watch you move
from down below
where do I go from here
I guess I'll find out as I go

you're beautiful
you're confusing
you're illogical
you're amazing
and I've seen the world
it's overrated
until you're everything
I have nothing
until you're everything
I have nothing
but an empty space


SICK CYCLE CAROUSEL

if shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
if it had a home would it be my eyes
would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this
well here we go now one more time

well I never thought I'd end up here never
thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought that it would be easier than this
I guess I was wrong now one more time

I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to change this mind
you better believe that I have tried to beat this

so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this
sick cycle carousel
this is a sick cycle yeah
sick cycle carousel
this is a sick cycle yeah

so when will this end it goes on and on
over and over and over again
keeps spinning around I know that it won't stop
till I step down from this for good

sick cycle carousel
sick cycle carousel


UNKNOWN

this doubt is screaming in my face
in this familiar place sheltered and concealed
and if this night won't let me rest
don't let me second guess
what I know to be real
put away all I know for tonight
and maybe I just might
learn to let it go
take my security from me
and maybe finally
I won't have to know everything

I got nothing left to defend
I cannot pretend
that everything makes sense
but does it really matter now
if I do not know how
to figure this thing out

I'm against myself again
trying to fit these pieces in
walking on a cloud of dust
to get to you

and I am falling into grace
to the unknown to where you are and
faith makes everybody scared
it's the unknown the don't-know
that keeps me hanging on and on and on to you


BREATHING

I'm finding my way back to sanity again
though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there
and take a breath and hold on tight
spin around one more time
and gracefully fall back to the arms of grace

I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth and I'm
trying to identify the voices in my head
God which one's you
let me feel one more time what it
feels like to feel and
break these calluses off of me
one more time

I don't want a thing from you
bet you're tired of me
waiting for the scraps to fall off of your table to the ground
cause I just want to be here now

cause I am hanging on every word you say and
even if you don't wanna speak tonight
that's alright, alright with me
cause I want nothing more than
to sit outside Heaven's door
and listen to your breathing
is where I wanna be yeah
where I wanna be

This is my favorite by far though.

SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN

I can't be losing sleep
over this, no I can't
and now I cannot stop pacing
give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
if my mind would just stop racing

cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening

this is over my head
but underneath my feet
cause by tomorrow morning
I'll have this thing beat
and everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

cause I'm waiting for tonight
and then waiting for tomorrow
and I'm somewhere in between
what is real and just a dream

would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
don't be surprised if I collapse
down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening, yeah

cause I'm waiting for tonight
and then waiting for tomorrow
and I'm somewhere in between
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream

I did it. I overdid it again.

I keep saying that I'm going to give up. That today is the day I won't seek him out. I'm full of crap. I think about him way too much still. I wonder if he misses me at all or really is repulsed by me. I wonder if he reads this.

Ok. No more blogging about Richie. I think I've had enough heartache for a semester.