A mindful to think about.

Wow did I just get off the phone from the most interesting phone conversation ever.

Do I need even mention with whom?

It was cool because we were able to talk openly about things. For the most part anyway. It's so strange to have us analyzing our feelings and speaking of them openly, trying to decide where we're headed - or at least understand it more. I don't think any conscious decicions will be made anytime soon.

I don't remember half of what we talked about. We talked about a lot. I guess you could say we flirted, but any pretence was dropped completely that it really didn't feel like it. I received the most genuine compliments I've ever received in my life. I hope he feels that he got some from me.

So the outcome? There will probably be none. I still haven't decided what to do with myself. I keep wondering, shouldn't things just HAPPEN? I mean, doesn't romance happen when you just go with the flow and you let yourself ride the wave or emotion? Instead, I'm here analyzing every single thing and driving myself crazy agonizing over the destiny of this "relationship". I guess once again, I can appreciate Jared more. And I thought this was fun?!

Richie says that he wants to be extra careful because I'm too special for this to just be a meaningless fling that starts and ends way to quick. I agree with him. He is way too special to ruin things with. But what do I DO then?! Nothing can happen until after December when he goes to Japan to find out where Megumi and him are going.

Relationships don't stay stagnant. I either grow more in more in love with him by sticking around or withdraw myself from him and move on to other things. What's the right decision here?

How about an analogy?

Richie works in the office and when I chill with him there, he often has to run errands and stuff. Sometimes he goes away for a rather long time leaving me there waiting for him to come back. He gets distracted easily and talks to people so he's gone for an extended period of time. I'm sitting there entertaining myself wondering when he'll be back. It's not that I'm afraid that he won't come back - but that he won't come back in time before I leave.

My relationship with Richie is characterized by alot of waiting, it seems.

Right now, he's - no WE'RE - trying to take it slow but I'm not sure how. How long do I wait? How unhealthy will this be for me? I'm afraid that if I start looking around that I will get too distracted and miss out on jumping through that window. If there's an opportunity here, I can't afford to pass it up.

As we were saying goodnight on the phone, he said something about being glad that I know that he isn't nice to me just because he wants to hook up with me or something like that. I'm not sure I know what that meant, nor am I sure I want to know.

I'm thinking too much into this. I should just enjoy the company while I can. I'm still twitterpated as heck. That's always fun.

All that emotional stress made me hungry and I ate my last cup noodles in hot shower water. Mmm. Yummy.

Here's a goodnight gift from Richie through Yahoo messenger:


Sweet dreams, beautiful world.