A whole "new" world.

I apologize for not being the blogger I was before. I can still find time to sit down and write some I'm sure, but it's being the avid blog reader that I was before that I can't promise to do anymore.

I've caught up with nearly everyone I've been wanting to see now - save a few.

We had orientation today from 8am-3pm. It was supposed to go till 5pm, but we got lucky. It didn't feel as long as I thought it would be but the thought of 2 more days of that really isn't nice.

Right now, I'm really confused about how I feel. I'm really excited to be back, but I have difficulty feeling like that all the time. It could simply be because I'm tired.

I didn't feel like I had left home the entire time. I cried in the van on the way to the airport a little, but only teared up a little bit after that. Didn't cry when saying goodbye. Not on the plane. I was reminded of the past times I had flown to and from Hawaii. I have done it enough times to where the Japanese Airport felt completely familiar (they have a 'yahoo! cafe' and I got to use the internet and webconference on Yahoo for free, it was the coolest thing!) as did the plane and the Hawaiian airport. Since I didn't have my I-20, they had to take me to the other room and I had to wait for over an hour before they sorted things out. In the meantime, I made friends with a Singaporean couple on their honeymoon and a really nice Japanese girl. A smooth start to things in Hawaii - already I was feeling friendly and chatty.

Jared and Lehua picked me up from the airport. It was so fun. Jared talked and joked non-stop all the way home and messed with his new camcorder.

I checked into my temp room on campus - the TV lounge because Jen's roommate (and the rest of the school) doesn't check out till Thursday.

Next, the good ole caf. First person to greet me there SU!!!! We nearly knocked each other over because we were so excited. I had also noticed Mark shy away from the entrance as I stepped into the caf. We were being loud so I couldn't have announced my presence in a better way. Neither of us were really prepared to see each other quite yet but I couldn't ignore him so I looked for him and said hi. It was awkward, of course. But there's plenty more of that to come.

Lunch was good. Boston hot dogs were nice, but the company was definitely the best part. I'm still struggling with my appetite though. I still can't eat as much as I did last time. I'm getting worried. Maybe when things start getting busier, I will start putting on some pounds.

I just lazed around most of the afternoon, alternating between hanging out with Jared and Mark, looking up old friends, and getting some errands done in between. I even took a nap after dinner because I just didn't have energy for a game of Taboo even.

It was Cori's birthday and a whole group of us surprised her on her front porch later that night. We had cake and watched "Whose Line Is It Anyway" together, messed with some 8 balls until her roommates asked if we could take it somewhere else. So we went to the beach (I live by the beach, how COOL is that?!) and Shem played his guitar while we sorta sang along to the songs he wrote. Beautiful. How do I get a guy who can do that? Afterwards, he did some Bill Cosby standup for us. It was just fun.

Su was there at the party, but left as soon as we left the house and headed for the beach. I haven't seen too much of her since it's finals week and everyone is busy but it's interesting to see how our social groups meld into each other.

I still haven't quite figured my emotions out yet. At first, I was just super excited to be back, but the excitement wore out. I don't know how soon or when it did, but it's gone for now. It's probably because I'm just so tired I can't get excited.

I don't know. Things have just been weird. Mark and I aren't talking about what's really going on. Probably a good thing. If we start to open up, I'm going to want to show concern through physical gestures like stroking his hair or something and there's already enough tension there as it is.

Jared and I are getting along great. Too well. I love where it's at but there's something not right and I can't put my finger on it.

On the whole, I'm glad to be back. I hate to admit how I haven't been homesick yet. Still, I haven't felt a sense of belonging yet. I wanted things to resume my life here when I came back, at the same time hoping for a fresh start. Right now, I have all my past rolled up into one, coming back to me. The good, the bad. Everything. I want new friends, but I'm not meeting any. I love my old friends, but I'm still trying to figure out where I fit in with them now.

It's like highschool again. I found myself going to schools where people already knew each other and I couldn't figure out where I fit in. Even though I already knew my friends before (obviously), and they haven't changed at all, the social groups have changed some since I've been home and well, it's hard for me to just jump in.

I wish I could be as excited as I was the very first time I came to this school. I had no existing friends and just jumped at the chance to make new ones. Right now, I seem to be disrupting Jared's social group. Mark is doing stuff with my old friends and well, I'm glad someone's doing stuff with him besides me but I am jealous. Of course.

Right now, I'm just drifting. I realize that I don't have any friends of my own and that stinks. I suppose not having a room yet doesn't help (I'm having a prolonged slumber party in the TV lounge - with TV and air conditioning, futons and 2 other girls till the girls check out of their rooms, it ain't bad except that we have no privacy or a phone).

I'm worried about how Mom is doing. She is probably alot more lonely than I am right now so I can't complain.

Don't worry about me though. As soon as the cute guys uh, I mean, new students start rolling in, I'm going to have to start changing my blog title.