We interrupt this sickening broadcast with a more uplifting post

I live right down the street from the house of God.


I took that picture tonight while I was by the temple. There was a girl on my tour today, Jessica, a recent convert to the church, who wanted to see the Laie Temple after the Luau. She came to the PCC with her brother, father and 7 other members of her extended family all of whom I got to host today, but none of them wanted to go with her on the tram tour. They were nearly mocking her for wanting to see the temple so I offered to meet up with her after dinner (off the clock) and accompany her myself. I hadn't been on the grounds for a long time anyway.

The temple overflows with so much peace and serenity that you can feel it even when you drive past it. It was glowing so beautifully as always and I was glad for the chance to see the temple this week. I really need to go more often.

That's not what I needed to blog about, though. I wanted to talk about this instead:

As soon as I got back on the tram that would bring us all back to the PCC, in the state of a spiritual high, the first words I heard from a guest sitting 2 rows behind me were "polygamy" "as many wives as they want" and "whites only, no blacks allowed" were like a slap in the face. Two couples were having a discussion amongst themselves about our religion and were asking each other questions neither of them could answer. Of course, being a tourguide and a member of the church, I felt obligated to offer to settle the confusion.

All that led to were more questions phrased more like accusations and the use of the word "cult". Boy, I don't think I've ever heard that word used outside of describing the faith that I belong to. I listened silently, trying to laugh to myself about the absurdity of the entire situation, and now and then attempted to disagree with them as gently as possible without provoking too much more discussion. Thank goodness the temple isn't far from the PCC. Kamaki the tram driver tried to pitch in once but I learned later that he had to bite his tongue because he was getting angry.

What we "talked" about is not important. What was important was that none of that discussion invited the spirit. A couple of them had genuine questions, and I appreciated them, but the leader of the discussion only wanted to convince us and all the other guests on the tour that Mormonism was one big evil scheme. Thank goodness most of the other people there didn't speak English. I was also glad that the Sisters hadn't gotten on the tram with us. I don't know how I handled the situation, but for some reason, I was glad that the Sisters didn't have to. I think that they would have been more defenseless against those accusations because they have to be more careful with what they say in reply.

When we finally reached our destination, everyone disembarked, and the lead accuser parted with the exhortation to Jessica, Kamaki and I to study deeper into our religion, see the light and leave it.

I had managed to keep the discussion light (I hope) and I don't think that I ever got defensive. But I was still upset. I was upset at the man for having wasted his time and our time on tour with him. For going to the sacred grounds only to speak ill of it. Mostly, I was upset that he left no room for the spirit. I was upset for him chasing it away when we could have had its companionship the entire time we were driving back from the temple, contemplating its majesty and significance. Instad, I had to spend the entire time trying to find the right words to protect what I held sacred, and to keep him from shaking the foundation of my friend Jessica who has only just discovered the truth.

I thought that I was Ok with it at first. I thought I had enjoyed it, almost, since I hadn't spoken about my religion to a non-member for the longest time. I remember when my own boyfriend was saying the same things and I had to defend myself everyday. I remember when I was used to answering all those tough questions. I thought it had felt good to do it again.

But then, as soon as I stepped off from the tram after a brief discussion about it with Kamaki and started walking towards the Cafeteria for dinner, I found tears streaming from my face. I couldn't understand it. I usually cry when I am extremely frustrated or angry. It could have been that, but I didn't feel it at all. It could have been that I had suppressed it so I could keep smiling and keep things light until not even I had not even realized how upset I really was. All I remember was that I just felt so sad.

I can't desribe it exactly. I've spent most of my time since then trying to analyze it. I remember feeling extremely sad (I was crying) yet incredibly grateful at the same time. I came to a realization that my foundation had not been shaken in the least - only strengthened more. I was reminded that the reason I am firmly planted in the gospel today has been because of all the challenges and trials I have faced before, and the people who have tried to undermine my faith. I wouldn't have the same testimony if I hadn't had the need to decide for myself what the truth is time and time again.

Grattitude filled my heart and I remember thinking "My cup runneth o'er". I felt so blessed to have such a clear knowledge and for the light I have received. It was such a strong feeling, strangely mingled with feelings of sorrow for that particular man who had no light nor understanding. Suddenly, I wasn't upset. I thought of Enos after his mighty wrestling before the Lord and his yearning for the welfare of his brethren, and then his enemies. For a brief moment, I had a small taste of the charity he had felt for others. Words fail to convey the magnitude of that experience. All I can say is that all of the sudden I was struck with this undeniable burning desire to serve a mission so I could bring that light into the lives of those who were genuinely seeking.

And that leads to the whole dilemma of "do I serve a mission or not?" something I've been struggling with for a long time. I am still constantly pondering about it, but this blog needs to come to an end.

I just hope that I never forget that incredible feeling that overcame me today. Whether or not I serve a full time mission can be decided later. Today, I've decided that I want to do as my patriachal blessing says and be a missionary in heart and in deed everyday, starting now.