Craving for comments

I'm sorry, this has been an issue with me ever since I made this blog comment-friendly.

I remember getting a couple of messages from Lyanne and a million of them from Mark, only they were all disguised as "anonymous". It got me all excited for the future of my blog. I thought, now maybe this place will become HAPPENING like all the other blogs I love to read.

Haha. No, false alarm.

I check my blog for comments way too often. Blogging is almost like email to me. I don't get personlized email very often (but for the record, Nathan is an AWESOME correspondant. I just need to write back now) so I check my blogs and other people's blogs for something to read and reply to.

I feel so pathetic. I can't believe that I'm making this petty thing an issue.

It seems that more people are reading what I write than meets the eye, but hey - where are the comments? Maybe I just post too many empty "what do you say to that?!" type blogs. GOSH! When will I ever stop worrying about what people think of me. I think the only reason why I bring myself to say "to heck with what everyone else thinks!" is because people like that attitude better.

Faith and Nathan, kudos to you guys for being such faithful readers. I wish there were more people like you out there. There's been a number people who have stopped by and told me "Your blog is so cool!" or something but they don't ever seem to come back again. I know this is absolutely neurotic of me but I tend to take that as "It's cool, but not worth coming back and spending all that time to read."

I don't mean to be ungrateful, but I would like more still. I mean, like when Faith is down and out, this blog seems so empty. At some point, Nathan will get busy (too many movies and TV programs to watch maybe? Hehe) And that will leave me 0 motivation to post.

Normal people don't write in journals for other people to read. This is so confusing. It's my journal, which means that I should write about how I feel regardless if anyone is reading or not, but at the same it's also my webpage... and webpages aren't fun to do without having an audience. I really need to stop worrying if my posts are too long or too short.

I always get so envious of people with this whole network of fellow bloggers and friends who get scores of comments to every post - and not from the same 2 people either. Maybe the problem is that I don't belong to a community of any kind...

Not to flatter myself, but I wish I had a reader like me. Someone to hang around my blog and wait for me to post something then be extremely supportive and dedicated in leaving comments etc.

The solution to this whole thing is simple. I just need to stop expecting people to be like me. Just because I have no life doesn't mean that everyone else doesn't. Just because I love reading long posts with itty-bitty details doesn't mean that everyone else does.

What you give isn't always what you get back. That's probably a good thing too. Sometimes.

Anyway, I'm going to stop this whining. I really didn't mean to talk about it so that I could get "pity posts" from you guys. I just thought I should write down how I honestly feel, even if it means that I'm going to look back and shake my head at my shallow-ness in a couple of days.

On a different note, I've been working on changing the way this blog looks. I don't like how my blog is so hard to read what with all the scrolling I make you guys do. There are all these cool free templates I've been browsing through for a while now and at the same time (because I don't want to do something so easy that anyone else can do) I'm also working on designing and building my own.

The whole hangup is that I can't decide on what color scheme to use. I keep changing my mind on how I want my blog to look like depending on what mood I'm in. Should I use lotsa blue for serenity, or dark and broody black, grey and brown... maybe maroon even... or should I stick to bright colors like orange, yellow... girly powder pink, purple, blue and green (sort of like this one?) WHAT?!

I can't decide. So I'm thinking about making skins that I can switch easily. But that's so much work! I need to stop biting off more than I am willing to chew. At this rate, my blog will be stuck looking like this FOREVER!

But at least I'll have something to work on forever besides over-posting.

Yeehaw!