Back to Life, back to reality.

The goodbye was surprisingly painless. So far, anyway. Just like the first meeting scene was casual and simple, this time around, all there was to this airport scene was a couple of quick kisses, a hug (leied him again) and driving away without looking back.

We did our crying before.

I got to talk to him on the phone before he took off. That was especially reasurring to me. To know that things wouldn't change. I could be fairly satisfied with just hearing his voice.

Goodbyes are hard for me. One of the reasons the thought of letting him go home was so difficult to swallow was because I was tapping into old, familiar emotions, stacked up from past goodbyes. The same painful airport scenes played over and over again with little variation. This one was different. This week was different. At some point I realized that this time around it wasn't so much as a full stop, or a question mark but instead a comma, or at least a definite ellipsis. There will be more - it's just a matter of when.

Going to the cafeteria for dinner and being there with my friends/family was comforting. Not that I was in particular need of company, but it felt like taking off my fancy new heels and slipping into an old pair of slippers, broken into, comfortable and familiar.

My strategy for these next few weeks is to almost pretend that nothing has happened. Leave that week of fun and romance behind me and snap back into the rhythm of things. Hanging out with friends, trying to stay abreast with school, spending time on my computer - blogging. Anything to keep me from pining about distance.

That and direct all other energy to getting myself to Beijing with the PCC promo team this summer.

I apologize to all my friends for not having spent as much time with you this past week as I had anticipated. I didn't mean to be in-your-face with my boytoy =) I thought I'd be able to keep my head about me and keep from being lost in la-la land. Hah. So much for that. I really wish that Matt and I had spent more time together with all of you but his host family kept us quite occupied socially. We were mostly surrounded by people, just a different group of people. In a way, I got pulled into his social group while I was here. I guess that's how relationships work. You have to balance out his friends and your friends. New experience for me. This is one of the few reasons I am glad he was only here for 10 days. I've missed being around you guys. Thanks for understanding.

So, there you have it. I got a little taste of what it is like to be in a relationship again. It was nice. I'd like more in the future, but for now, the physical separation helps keep me from structuring my entire life around him and instead, focus my energy on the more immediate things like homework, friends and the big pile of junk on my bed.

I got a second chance to do it right, and I didn't screw it up like I had before. It feels good. Am still counting down the minutes till he arrives safely back in NY, but well, that's the price you pay for love.