Stress.

I suppose it would be appropriate to take this time to acknowledge the decreased frequency in my blogging. School is going to be tough this semester,

1) because it's Spring and everything is being crammed into 6 weeks of classes.

2) I am taking 8 credits, trying to make up for lost time.

3) the 2 3-credit classes I am taking are major classes, slightly upper-level, with a huge load of reading and writing, a workload that is relatively new to me (although it shouldn't be by now, I'd just been slacking off before) I have classes MWF from 9-3. 4 hours of that is with the same teacher in the same class. Thankfully the structure of both classes are quite different and it goes relatively quickly.

4) I'm committed to doing well this semester, which means all of the sudden school is stressful, when my slackered-ness was a defense mechanism from that before. Now that I'm actually doing homework and trying to stay on top of things, it causes a lot of mental stress.

Armi and I worked out a schedule for me to do homework at a set time everyday. It actually scares me a lot more than I like to admit. Structure does. It causes a strange kind of claustrophobia for me, and I don't enjoy the feeling of being trapped. Technically, I follow somewhat of a routine anyway, it's just a regular pattern of time wastage, so I wonder why I should treat this any different. In any case, I am afraid of having to do the same thing at the same time everyday, and as 8pm gets closer, I'm scurrying for excuses to NOT have to be on that schedule today. Getting clingy to a boyfriend who needs to sleep so he can be prepared for his final tomorrow. "no, don't go to bed yet. If you go then I'll be all alone and have to do homework..." Bah. Issues. Hate 'em.

5) China.

Gall. The stressor of all stressors. That thing sucks up more time and energy than you'd think! Seriously, how difficult is it to get someone to hire you to work for almost nothing?!

I keep going in out of Career services - 3 times within a week!!! WHO DOES THAT?! Everytime I leave, I feel more and more discouraged. COME ON, GET CRACKING ALREADY! I only have a month and a half to go and it almost feels to me like they are going as slow as they can so that I will miss this window of opportunity and they will go "Oh, sorry, I guess we're too late. Better luck next time." Urrrrgh. The ineffectiveness of island life.

Ah. I didn't mean to be whiney and complainy. There is so much that I want to write about on here, issues I want to tackle, but I don't have time to sit and write about them because I have papers I need to write for class. If I feel good about them, I might post them here. I have to blurr paper-writing and blogging to motivate myself.

Armi asked the other day "Are you taking care of yourself?" I didn't know what she meant. She said "What are you doing for yourself? You know, for fun?" I was shocked at how difficult it was for me to answer that question. I blog sometimes. But I haven't really been doing much of that. I play games on my computer and nap when I want to zone out, but that's not taking care of myself. I don't even call that enjoyable. It's just something I do to pass the time in a low-energy setting. That might be the reason why I've been feeling so unmotivated lately. Well, swing club starts soon. I played games with friends last night for the first time in forever. I forgot how much I enjoy that. It'll keep me busy, but I think it will supply me with energy and motivate me to keep moving. Stamina. I need that. I've almost forgotten how much I used to thrive on social events like that.

Anyway, it's time to hit the books. My one consolation is that I actually enjoy what I get to read about so studying isn't really a chore. I just wish I read faster. It's one thing to read literature for English, and another to read a whole bunch of wordy high-brow (to me anyway) publications. I guess I'll get better as this semester goes.

Ok. Now I'm just looking for excuses not to do homework. I'm going to go now. I've go burn out to look forward to. Yay.