And another one bites the dust...

I just came home from an awesome time at the beach with my friends, belting out song after song and pointing out shooting stars as usual. It was exactly what I needed. I made alot of new friends. By that I mean that I got to know the people in our social group that I hadn't had a connection with before much better.

In my anti social state, I found myself complaining about some of the new additions to our social group (all the Pre-mies) which fed my lack of desire to hang out with them. Today, I finally got to talk to a couple of them and it was great. They moved up from acquaintance to on my "cool" list. I'm glad I got rid of my bubble. It was fun going wild and crazy again today.

This brings me to my next topic: Barnabas II.

He was there today because I invited him, so I got to talk to him somemore and got to know him just a little better. It was fun, but it only left me doubtful.

I actually wrote this in reply to JD's comment a couple of blogs ago but it turned to be too long so I decided to just post about it.

JD:

Well im glad things are going good with barnabas. It seems like the feelings are mutual. Was it wierd though the other day. i saw you and myumi in the same office. do you have compatition?

Faye:
*sigh* JD, I don't know. Myumi is definitely after a piece of him from what I can tell. But I know from Barnabas II that the feeling's not mutual. I still feel bad because I feel like I'm intruding their privacy everytime we're both there together with Barnabas II.

From hanging out with him today, I don't think he thinks of me that way either though. He likes being just friends I think. It's fine. I'm not particularly looking for a relationship either. So this works out well. It's safe, at least.

To complicate things, he also has this girl in Japan that he talks to and is kind of thinking of potentially hooking up with. So that's my cue to back off. I think that would be perfect for him since she's a little closer to his age (his is 28!) and is of his ethnicity and better still, she has a 5 year old daughter who he absolutely adores. Yeah. This guy is like in love with them both. I can't interfere.

This is strange to me. Usually I'm the one with the issues and I'm the one with the long-distance relationship that keeps me from dating other people. A taste of my own medicine I would say.

In a way, I'm a disappointed because I saw some real potential here. I'm not giving up completely, but I will stick around and be his friend. He's too cool for me not to. I have to be careful as to not scare him away either. I think I scared him at the beach tonight being loud and crazy. Being too forward about liking him would also drive him in the other direction and make things awkward. He said something about wishing things between Myumi and him were like between him and I - "just chill". *sigh*

I don't know what he thinks my feelings towards him are. I wonder what signals I am sending off. I don't even know what I want him to think!

Barnabas did say that I remind him of his girl in Japan. Personality wise, and even in looks.That's not good. I don't want to be compared to someone else. He'll find out real soon, if he hasn't already, that I'm really quite different and it would almost be a disappointment to him.

I don't know what's going to happen. I'm not so disappointed that I'm crying about it or anything. But, yeah. I'd hate to lose this one without being even given a shot.

Arrrrgh. It's so tempting to enlist the help of mutual friends to get the other side of the story. But I better not. Too much meddling breeds drama.