Mood swing.

I skimmed through some of my past blogs today and noticed a very different energy in each different time period. Lately, it's seemed like I've lost a lot of that life I used to be filled with (blame it on all those computer games) therefore my posts have been sad, ranty and reflective of a lonely and depressed state of mind. Writing them all late at night doesn't help either.

Not everything is going peachy in my life. For example, Mark and I talked again today and decided to try to talk only on weekends (although email is OK) so that we slowly detatch ourselves from each other. It was hard, for some reason. Almost felt like breaking up all over again. I wish I could just learn to do it right the first time. It almost feels like I like the feeling of being torn from the person I love so I stick to him more.

That's not happy news, but is potentially a good thing. We both see that. While there will be times when I will miss him terribly, I want to start being more positive again. I remember I used to say things like "My talent is being able to be happy" or "I'm a social butterfly" or "I'm hardly ever in my room - it's like I'm wasting my computer rental!"

*sigh* Those were the days.

I miss my old self. I don't know exactly what that was, but something's been missing lately and I want to fix that. It's not that I've been unhappy, per se, just not maxing out my capacity to be happy, that's all. I'm content, but rarely overjoyed. That is not typical of Faye.

Due to my lack of social interraction, I haven't really laughed lately. Ok, so I laughed really hard at Strong Bad's latest email but laughing at a screen by yourself isn't really energizing. It's rather pathetic, actually.

My goal for the next week or two is to start blogging about the happier moments. If I can't think of any, then it's my fault for not having sought them out. I'll still write when I'm sad. But I will also try to balance it out with blogs written when I am happy.

So here's to a more positive outlook!

And possibly better humor as a side effect.