The anticipation of romance.

Yes. More about Richie. I just got off the phone with him. It was interesting. I can't describe exactly what it is, but there's just something different in the way our conversations go. That's what makes Richie special to me. We talked about us without really addressing the issue directly. We just talked about relationships and we both knew, without having to admit it directly, that we were thinking about us. It was comfortable because the whole point in being vague was not to make things awkward. I still can't decide if it was a barrier or if we really did have a heart to heart conversation. It feels like both right now.

I don't know what to do. I've never been in a situation like this before. We both see definite potential, and we both definitely like each other, but we're also both trying to keep ourselves from falling in love. I've never taken it slow before. I don't think he has either. So why now? As if that wasn't enough to keep us confused, both of us have half our hearts somewhere else.

Maybe that's the problem.

I'm so determined to do it right this time. So is he. We have alot in common, really.

One thing that I'm really glad Richie and I have in common is the fact that we both enjoy the pre-relationship period the most. I couldn't ever get Jared to agree with me on this one. He hated the agony and the waiting and the suspense. I thrive on it. I love the anticipation of romance. It's almost better than the romance itself. He thinks so too. Maybe that's why we're not going anywhere!

I wonder at what point will all the talk of being cautious in fear of falling in love with him be fruitless because I'll realize that I already am. I don't think it's happened yet. But, oh, it could. It just could.

I can't though. A big part of me feels like I owe Mark something more. I am not completely over him, but I am ready to be. For some reason I feel that's unfair to him.

I didn't talk to Mark today. We don't plan to talk till this weekend, but I was too busy anyway so it was easy. I didn't plan to talk to Richie either. I was so determined not to look for him today since I knew he wasn't working. I was doing so well. I took a test, got an 88% on it (I'm disappointed about that - it was multiple choice!), and on my way home ran into Jared. We talked for a good hour and half. I love having Jared as a friend. We just get each other without needing to try. People like that are hard to come by. We're the platonic version of soulmates. Yeah. I like that.

Platonic soulmates.

I don't even really remember what we talked about. It wasn't important. I was glad to have someone to talk to, that was all that mattered. I found out from JD through him that Richie had seen my blog by accident, over JD's shoulder while he was reading my page. Apparently he caught a phrase or two. Probably in the post with his picture in it. Said something about it being flattering.

It's a strange thought to know that he saw my blog. I have been secretly hoping that he might have known about it, or that he would stumble across it. After all two of his colleagues read it on the computer he shares with them at work. But knowing that he is aware of its existance now makes me nervous. I won't change anything I write, I'll simply wonder if he's read it. Alot.

The common consent, however, (meaning among J-Bo and JD) is that I need to change the title of my blog. I want to. I just can't think of anything cool enough to replace this. Can you? Please leave suggestions in message box.

After being visited by security, we called it a night and I went home wondering if I had missed a call from Richie or an email, maybe. I had told myself that I wouldn't call him or contact him so he could do it first. And if that meant a few days of waiting, I'd do it. That's what people do when they don't want to rush things. I guess.

Well, I got both a message on my answering machine and an email. A really short one, but it included a picture of himself:


Richie drumming for the SKA club Songfest 2004 performance. I was home in Malaysia at this time. Su was there. The picture included the rest of the band, it was too wide so I cropped Richie out.


Needless to say, I caved in. It was already past 12.30am so I called Jared to have him check to see if Richie was still awake. He was. So I called him. I'm glad I did. He had just restored his friend's electric guitar and played me a couple of songs he wrote on them. Oh. Beautiful.

I owe Jared big time.

After keeping him up longer than he should have, he finally called it. I will call it next time. This is getting unhealthy already.

Speaking of which, I really should sleep. All this blogging has been keeping me up later than I should be.

You'll have to wait till tomorrow to hear more about Richie.