Must. Not. Cry.

Arrrgh! Tired of being clingy. Not. Going. To. Feel. Lonely.

Seriously, I wonder sometimes when I'll ever be satisfied. No phone conversation is ever long enough, and if we were together, I know I'd never be ready to go home and will probably cry every night he was ready first. (Been there done that) Somewhere in my warped brain I'm thinking "But I've not had enough of you yet, you mean you've had enough of me? *Sob* Don't you love me as much as I love you?" I know it's nowhere near the truth, but stupid irrational clinginess makes you want to feel that way. Blah.

At least now I have the excuse of time difference and can tell myself that he's probably way more tired than I am. I, of all people, have prioritized sleeping above talking on the phone. Especially at nap time. I'm hoping that when he goes to China (*sob!* China - that's this weekend! That's why I want to talk to you more NOW!) and I will be the one 6 hours ahead (well, technically 18 hours or so behind) that the tables will turn and I'll be ready to go to bed while he wants to talk. Knowing me, though, that will still probably not happen. Plus, that's all assuming that we WILL get to talk.

Really, I'm getting quite tired of myself. Every phone conversation I'm thinking "Gotta keep this conversation going. No. No. Is this the cue that you're ready to go? Crap. Gotta start another conversation thread or it's goodnight. Gotta distract you." I could just as easily say "Could you keep me company for a little longer, please?" but when you want to do it everynight, I think it's better to just suppress it, cry a little, blog about it, and force yourself to suck it up and feel better.

Ok Faye, feel better. Now.

Reasons not to feel left out tonight.

1) As much as I'd like to be super nerdy cool, I'm not really excited enough about Star Wars III to want to contract debt to see it. I definitely want to see it, but I can wait to.

2) Technically, I did get invited. Twice. Once a month ago, and once by my sister, yesterday. Too late, of course. But very nice of her to think of me, and start me thinking that I want to go and then realize that I can't anyway.

3) No money, remember? That's why I said I didn't want to go first. Sheesh. Stop changing your mind!

4) It's not like they're leaving me out on purpose. The tickets are frikkin' sold out! There probably wasn't room in the car anyway.

5) Even if there were tickets left, would I really want my sister (whom I still owe money to) to pay for me because a guy was paying for her? Uh. No. That would be like the guy paying for me... weird!

6) Besides, I have homework to do. I'll probably sit around and mope, knowing me. But if I was smart, I'd do homework.

7) It's more the idea of not being able to go if I wanted to now than disappointment about the movie itself or even the social aspect of it. I probably would have turned them down again and again had I been invited repeatedly and would have been home happily watching a downloaded Episode VI or something on my own.

8) All this is too silly and I'm just looking for reasons to feel sorry for myself now. Oh, and of course, I'm a genius and blog about it so that my stupidity can go down in history. And I can kick myself tomorrow and henceforth for ever feeling like this.

Geez. What a drama queen. You'd think it was the prom or something.