When you wish upon a blog...

Oooh! It's 12:34am! Quick! Make a wish!!!

Wow. That last blog looks A LOT longer than I thought it would be! Sorry you guys. I suppose the narrow margin doesn't really help much either. Hehe.

I've had a great day. I got to talk to Mark some today. My poor baby. He's worry about me - and that makes me worried about him. I suppose reading my old blogs made him miss me more. Or at least express it. My mom always asks me what I mean by "breaking up". "Why are you still talking to Jared? I thought you broke up already?" "Are you sure you broke up with Mark? You still talk everyday"

To be honest, I don't know! lol! I mean. Besides not saying "I love you" anymore... and that isn't always the case, what? We still talk. We still try to tell each other how we feel. Sometimes we still kiss. We just stop holding hands and try to get used to the idea of not dating anymore even though one or both are thinking about getting back together.

No wonder I have such messy relationships, huh? You mean to say I've been going about it all wrong this whole time?!

Today, I got a 9k email from Jared. I love it when he writes me. He's so unpredicatable. And I love surprises. He wished me happy anniversary. *sigh* A year ago was when we first met - I sat by him in the cafeteria since he was sitting alone and I recognized him as the funny new guy cracking jokes down the row from me at a performance in the school auditorium. (I met Mark that way too - minus the performance and the recognizing him part. I just thought "cute guy, sitting alone? Heheheh") I asked Jared to come join me in my ward's capture the flag and s'mores by a campfire on the beach activity that night. And he did. He brought Wendy and Megan along with him too. We got put in different teams and he traded with someone so he could be with me. He was embarassed about it for a while later, but I was glad. I wanted him to be on my team too! It all worked out in the end. If that counts. lol. Look where we are now?

Wrong to celebrate an anniversary when you're not dating? Well, I don't call this celebrating. By the way, Jared, I didn't forget, I just thought I could ignore it. What are we going to do about the first kiss anniversary and the "I love you" anniversary. Oh how about the break up one? Heh, remember Valentines day? I still have the cute puppy valentine somewhere.

You know, I'm glad I know Jared. Not because we dated. Although dating him was a great expressway to getting to know him really well. And I don't regret it. I don't regret breaking up either. So, heck, I don't care if you think it's wrong when I celebrate the day I made a great friend.

Hey, in "Just Shoot Me", Nina and Jack celebrate their anniversary - the day they met - by doing the same things they did that day. So, hows about lunch and capture the flag later 6,000 miles apart? Try doing the OTHER anniversaries... hehehehe.

Jared said in his e-mail that read all my blogs (which is why I went over them too myself today) and he commented on some. Don't worry, since you're not a total stranger like Matt is, I won't publish details word for word or anything.

He now dislikes Matt even more. And that's saying alot. He's always hated Matt. Y'all probably do some now too. I guess I sort of made a mistake in posting that. That wasn't the intention! To be fair, I used him. I kept him around for my personal emotional needs while I was dating other people. I even borrowed money from him to go visit Jared! What kind of girl does that? He never was that cold to me before, and he is now, but only in self defense. Cut the guy some slack ok? I wish he didn't treat me like that, but whether I deserve it or not, I'm going to stick up for him. Always. Like I'll stick up for Mark and Jared and Chris. They're my friends - whether I am theirs or not. And that's what any good friend would do.

Don't worry, it's not like I have to put up with a so-called jerk everyday of my life. (Unless you count my dad in. Ok, that was mean, I take it back. Sorry) I seek Matt out and fully expect to get that. Don't misjudge him, ok?

So I went to the Andrews' today. Spent 4 hours organizing their music CDs and their computer games. Still have some loose ends to tie up. I was hired to do that before supposedly leaving for HI. I was supposed to finish up on the day my parents yelled at me all day and I got grounded from school. What a day that was. After that, I was so embarassed I didn't want to go back. I did today though, and it sure feels good to get something accomplished.

I came home and my whole family was out watching a gymnastic performance. I had lamb chop stew for dinner...ooh the best kind! And when I had just dished out my second helping, my family came home - with PIZZA! Argh! I shouldn't have told them that my dinner was taken care of. I had one slice - my brothers weren't too happy. They eat so much now.

Tonight, my family watched a Jackie Chan movie together. It's one of the few things we ALL love. I love it when dad brings home a movie and we all watch it together. The Whitakers watched "Cheaper By The Dozen" on their date night and told us that we should watch it. They have 6 kids, we have 6 put them together and you get a zoo of 983247 animals. If I had money, I'd like to take my whole family to watch that. But RM80 for a movie we can only watch once? Uh. I'll wait for the DVD to come out on the street corner and get it for RM10 instead.

I know, I know. No need for a lecture on stealing copyright. I got it.

As of right now, I am holding a cup of strawberry soda with whipped cream in my hands. I just thought I'd do something impulsive and try it. It's REALLY good. Mmmm. I'm not a huge fan of strawberry soda, but I LOVE whipped cream. I'm glad I tried that. I can never go back to taking my soda straight anymore.

You know, alot of the best decisions I've made have been made suddenly on an impulse. That's why I have bangs now. I got up one morning and thought bangs would go with my Asian school girl look - so I cut it. Jared got to see me do it over the cam. I also have curly hair now because I decided it was time for a drastic change. And one time, I went to another salon immediately after trimming my long hair because I decided I didn't like that it didn't change how I looked and got like 15 inches of it chopped off. Ok, so the most impulsive ones have been tied to my hair. Not that I'm the one to judge if those were good decisions, but I haven't regretted a single one.

Ooh, the best part about my soda with whipped cream? The foam... mmmm. I love bubbles. That's the only cool thing about an ice cream float. I also love to try to drink my soda when it's all frizzy and bubbly and little particles of water jump out at you from the glass.

When I was little, I'd take forever to do the dishes for my mom because I'd play with the detergent and blow as big a bubble as I could, hold it in 2 hands and look at the rainbows changing color in my "crystal ball". In the shower, I make a bubble in each hand and merge them by banging them together and see how big I could get it by doing it over and over until it burst. I also remember now how Su and I used to pretend we were fairy princess. While we were taking a shower together (NO! Bad sicko, bad!) we would make ourselves little tiaras with bubbles. Bubbles were like our fairy dust. Magical. Maybe that's why I love bubbles so much. They are magical - they bring me back to my carefree childhood days.

Yeah you can add that to the list of foofy girl things I love. Butterflies, rainbows, flowers and bubbles.

Edible bubbles? Even better!!!

Oh man! This one turned out SO much longer than I thought it would. They always do. I like reading long blogs though. Ones that really say how someone feels. Funny ones are great, too. I wish I could do more of those. Like Jared's. Or Wendy's random ones, and the bubbly ones (DId I tell you how much I just love bubbles???!!!) that Steph wrote.

To be honest though, I prefered reading J-Bo's better when he kavetched. I know too many people read his now to make it a real journal type thing. But I don't read blogs to have a good laugh. I read them to see what I can learn from someone's experience, or to have a good thoughtful moment. And maybe feel sorry for someone else so I don't throw my own pity party.

Man, Jared has his own blog fan club going. So does Amy. Well, she does have those that hate email her their nasty two-cents for some reason too. What about me fellas?! Ok. At the risk of sounding desperate - my emails is fei_min@hotmail.com I wonder if any perfect strangers read this. I think that would be TOO cool. So far, I know of only 2 people that read this. Mark and Jared. And it's because I asked them to. loL. Like I said, I didn't mean for this all to go up in this air after all huh? I like to think that what I say makes a difference. So, feedback, yo, feedback!

I'd like Amy to read this too. I haven't emailed her in forever. And she has been posting less and less on her blogs. I worry for her. I should write her, but it gets so late when I'm done with these humongous hecka long blogs I have to go to bed. Maybe I should say what I have to say quicker instead of wasting YOUR time, huh?

Ok. Ok. It's way past bedtime. Mom and dad only let me stay up on the computer because I tell them this is my journal. Which is true. You are my journal. The best part is, because other people read this, I put in some fun details too, things that I wouldn't write otherwise to myself. It makes it more complete. And not as sad and depressed as a written journal would be (I only write when something is wrong and I have no one else to tell)

One day, I'll look back and read this and I'll laugh and cry with the dear, confused, troubled teenager that used to be me.

You, blog, my friend, are the legacy I leave for myself.